The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, Blessed be the name of the Lord" Job 1:21

Nine weeks ago I saw this wonderful message! We were so excited to share our joyous news with friends and family. I was able to make a trip to Ohio and tell my family while Derrick wasted no time and told his mom only a few short hours after I left for work. We felt so blessed as we were starting a new phase of our lives together. But, Along the way. I had a few "foreshadowing" experiences that I didn't recognize at the time, But now understand that it was God preparing my heart for what was to come. After I passed 4-6 week mark, I felt relief because I knew it probably wasn't going to be an ectopic pregnancy. Please understand I work in labor and delivery so I do see a lot of unfortunate events. I was hoping that all these horrible thoughts were because of what I experience daily at work. Then a dear and wonderful friend gave me "The Belly book" as I was filling it out, a thought entered my head...Maybe you shouldn't fill this out yet, what if you miscarry? Who thinks that thought? I think it was planted by the Holy Spirit. Then I start to bleed at 8 weeks 6 days. I felt convicted to send out an email to friends and family calling on their prayers and support because I thought I would probably miscarry.

This is what I wrote:

Hello all, I just wanted to ask all my prayer warriors out there for some help. As you all know I am 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow, meaning that baby beans only 7 weeks. And, I started bleeding yesterday. Being in labor and delivery I know that all bleeding isn't bad, but I still am requesting prayers as this continues. I did go to the base clinic today and was confirmed pregnant. However, I have bled more since then. I have already placed myself on "bed rest" and have not done anything all day. Ultimately, I know God has a perfect will and plan for our lives, I pray that If this baby is to be, that it will come out healthy...preferably in another 31 weeks! Thank you and I love you all!!!

I proceeded to have a horrible night of cramping and bleeding. I knew it was not looking like a good outcome. Eventually, I miscarried officially on Wednesday Oct 8th at 3:07 am. It was still too early to tell the sex of the baby, so all I know is that baby beans is in Heaven. A much safer and glorious place than here on earth.

I sent this second email out later that afternoon.

Friends,I just wanted to send everyone an update, and thank you all for the prayers and support. I have an amazing group of friends and family that I thank God for. After, I sent you all my "prayer request" letter I continue to bleed and then started cramping really bad. I kidda figured out at that point that I would probably miscarry, but I was praying that Gods will be done. I know His plan for our life's is so much more vast than anything we could possible imagine and so I also prayed for peace. I am very gratefully for those prayers because by 300 am I was in incredible pain and passing large clots (sorry hope that's not TMI) :-) As I laid on the couch asking God to wrap His arms around the situation he spoke to my heart and said, "I provide"...Isn't God amazing. I had to almost laugh. He didn't say "I will supply your needs" or anything else more eloquent. Just "I provide" Just like he told Moses, tell them "I am". Knowing the words of God gave me great comfort and I was able to praise God irregardless of my own understanding. I was also reminded of Job. A little recap if you will....

Job 1:6-12 Job Is Put to the Test 6 One day angels came to the Lord. Satan also came with them. 7 The Lord said to Satan, "Where have you come from?" Satan answered, "From traveling all around the earth. I've been going from one end of it to the other." 8 Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you thought about my servant Job? There isn't anyone on earth like him. He is honest. He does what is right. He has respect for me and avoids evil."
9 "You always give Job everything he needs," Satan replied. "That's why he has respect for you. 10 Haven't you guarded him and his family? Haven't you taken care of everything he has? You have blessed everything he does. His flocks and herds are spread all through the land.
11 "But reach out your hand and strike down everything he has. Then I'm sure he will speak evil things against you. In fact, he'll do it right in front of you."
12 The Lord said to Satan, "All right. I am handing everything he has over to you. But do not touch the man himself."

Please do not think I am comparing myself to the hardships of Job! He endured way more than I can even imagine. But, I do feel like I am able to relate at least a little more. God has blessed our family in so many numerous ways it really is uncountable. I am so grateful for God's mercy on our life's. Yet, in all that happened to Job he still praises the name of God, and we choose to do the same. God is good all the time! And, he will provide! Derrick said it very sweetly this afternoon, "Baby Beans went to heaven with grandpa". I almost tear up trying to re-write his words. I love you all, Thank you again for the prayers and support.

I thought I would share with everyone what had happened to our little baby beans. I am at peace knowing that God provides. I know this experience has been so much easier because of the prayers and support of my family and friends. I am so grateful for everyone who took time to pray for us and for all the kind words of encouragement that you all sent our way.

We are so very blessed.

I found a new favorite quote as I was reading, A Step Further, by Joni Eareckson Tada

"God has placed each of us exactly where He pleases on the scale of suffering. But, remember, He reserves the right to move us up or down that scale any time He chooses in order to open up to us new avenues of ministry."

If my suffering opens up new opportunities of ministry then so be it!

And, Blessed be the name of the Lord!